This is a guest post by Jeff Nickerson.
Read Jeff’s other contribution:
A day at Augusta: I went to Heaven where they served Georgia Peach ice cream sandwiches
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Hello friends, we are live from Augusta North – aka my basement – ready to watch our man in red, The Big Cat, Tiger Woods (11-under), take on Francesco ‘The Machine’ Molinari (13-under) and Tony Finau (11-under). Yes, there are other groups, but none feature a GAWD wearing a mock turtleneck, so the focus will be on Tiger.
Let’s ride!
1: Tea Olive (Par 4, 445 yards)
9:20 a.m. start with the weather expected to get bad around 2:30.
We’re off! The Machine and Big Cat are down the middle. Finau looked nervous and put it in the pine straw. Listen Tony, great guy, and love your game, but if you shot 80 and were never shown on TV again I’d be happy, today. We want a fight! We want the Machine! Of course, Molinari saves par. Both Tiger and Tony also with pars. We’re onto the par-5 second.
2: Pink Dogwood (Par 5, 575 yards)
Tiger with a drive as ugly as Sam Cassel to the woods on the left. Both Machine & Finau are down the middle. We cut to Nick Faldo crying and blowing his nose into a green jacket at Butler Cabin weird. Hey CBS, just a thought, we don’t need stories or commercials. I’d rather watch Tiger yawn for 3 hours, he’s in the last group of The Masters. We’re good. Pars for all three. Disappointing for a Par 5.
3: Flowering Peach (Par 4, 350 yards)
Tiger plays the third perfectly and drops a birdie! He’s now one back and comin’! Pars for the other two. This round may last 12 hours, just like my Tiger boner. Let’s gooooo!
4: Flowering Crab Apple (Par 3, 240 yards)
Tiger makes bogey on the long par-3 third, and so do those other two guys in his group. Back to being behind by 2. I am not happy.
5: Magnolia (Par 4, 495 yards)
“FORE RIGHT” as Molinari’s drive lands in the woods! Tony may have killed a guy! Big Cat, however, is down the middle! Tiger followed that drive up by playing the rest of hole like I would and makes another bogey. Drops to 10-under. Finau also makes a bogey and drops to 10-under. The Machine makes par. That was a gut punch for the Red Army.
6: Juniper (Par 3 180 yards)
A dart from Tiger! Frankie is in a ‘Patrons’ egg salad sandwich and I truly don’t care where Tony’s ball is, it’s out there somewhere. The Machine with one of the best chips you’ll ever see, of course. Par for him. Par for Finau and a missed par putt for Tiger. I’m not in a good place right now.
7: Pampas (Par 4, 450 yards)
Terrible drive again by Molinari. Tony down the middle. A BOMB from Tiger. Now, let’s make a putt! A graphic before Frankie’s second shot ‘49 consecutive holes without a bogey’ is insane. Hope it’s a jinx. Tiger with a DART that leads to a birdie! That’s a two shot swing as Molinari makes bogey and drops to 12-under. The graphic jinx works! We’re on to the eighth. Oh, I almost forgot, Tony with a par.
8: Yellow Jasmine (Par 5, 570 yards)
Brooks Koepka has jumped up to 11-under in the group ahead. Stay away Brooks, this isn’t your fight!
Back to the main event. Tiger makes another birdie, but so does Frank. Frank is now 13-under and Tiger is 12-under. Finau birdies as well, he’s up to 11-under.
9: Caroline Cherry (Par 4, 460 yards)
Pars all around on the fourth. We head to the back-nine down one. It’s hunting season and we’re looking for some Italian sausage… I mean meatballs… food let’s just say food! Go time!
10: Camellia (Par 4, 495 yards)
“The Machine” made a mistake on his second shot then followed it up with a perfect chip to get his par. I’ve never wanted to give a Stone-Cold Stunner to someone more in my life! Tiger with a bad drive that leads to a bogey. Good, great, grand, FANTASTIC! Finau makes bogey. Molinari is now two up.
11: White Dogwood (Par 4, 505 yards)
Alright, eight holes to go and the lead is the same as it was at 9:20 a.m. when we started this thing. Let’s lock in here at Amen corner. Bad drive off to the right for Tiger is actually the perfect drive. He follows that with a great second shot over the sea of rich folks. It doesn’t matter though, pars all around, again.
12: Golden Bell ( Par 3, 155 yards)
I sat in the bleachers behind the 12th on Wednesday and thought about the nerves I would have on the Sunday if I were in contention. I figured urine would be running down my leg as I peacefully puked on my golf ball. Frank with a huge mistake, finds the water just like some Jordan Spieth guy did a couple of years ago.
Tiger gives them both the middle-finger and shows them how to do it by placing one perfectly in the center of the green. We’ve got them nervous now. Finau finds the water after Tiger’s shot. Why not, right? Par for Tiger, double-bogey for both Molinari and Finau and now TIGER WOODS is tied for the lead headed to the 13th at Augusta National on a Sunday!
13: Azalea (Par 5, 510 yards)
This is a fun hole for the big boys. All three make birdie, but the young gun out of San Diego, Xander Schauffele, has moved up to 12-under and we’ve got a three-way tie at the top.
14: Chinese Fir ( Par 4, 440 yards)
This leaderboard is insane, yet it is easy for me to focus on Tiger because we’ve all got blinders on at this point. There are other guys getting to 11 and 12-under and we have no idea. Pars all around on fourteen. We’re off to the par-5 15th.
15: Firethorn (Par 5, 530 yards)
Big drive for the Big Cat on 15. I would just like to say, I will be buying ALL the Tiger Gum when it comes out so feel free to slide into my DM’s for deals. Promo code “freebird20.” Frankie drops his second shot in the water after he clips a tree.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!
He chunks the next one as well. Somebody just pulled the plug on The Machine! That’s a devastating double for Frankie, hate to see it. He falls back to 10-under. Finau walks away with a birdie and gets back to 10-under. Tiger also makes birdie and is now your solo leader. I need a tissue!
16: Redbud (Par 3, 170 yards)
Tiger walking to 16th like Conor McGregor walks to the ring. He’s humming and I’m breathing into a paper bag.
Oh. My. GAWD!
He almost holes it for an ace! We all became Michael Phelps for a minute. Also, I just bit my tongue. He’s really doing it! Birdie! Big Cat is now 14-under. The other two can kick rocks. It’s Tiger’s show.
17: Nandina (Par 4, 440 yards)
Tiger stripes one and follows it with a solid approach to around 10 feet. Not a great putt though and we settle for par. One more hole and a two-stroke lead. I’ve got a tear in my eye.
18: Holly (Par 4, 465 yards)
Big Cat’s drive finds the right edge of the fairway. No direct line to the pin so he plays a little cut that ends up off to the right in front of the green. Brooks is in the clubhouse at 12-under and we’ve got a two-stroke lead. Just need to get it onto the green and two-putt and we’ll see Tiger in a fifth Green Jacket.
Chip lands about 10 feet but he manages to get the putt to about a foot. Tap-in bogey, his fourth bogey of the day and his fifth Green Jacket.
He did it! First major win in 11 years and first win at Augusta in 14. I am weeping!
Tiger Woods is back! Like fully back to the form that won him 14 majors prior to this day.
There’s only one way to end this, one Major down, three to go!
Jeff ‘The Freebird’ Nickerson